my approach
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFTe)
As a neurodivergent woman, who has a long history with people pleasing & resentment. I believe in the importance of our emotional inner compass.
Suffering is a part of life, but in the midst of a painful life experience, it can feel isolating and all consuming. Suffering is universal.
Your pain matters here.
I pull from a number of models for therapy (e.g., polyvagal theory, ACT, compassion-focused therapy, and narrative therapy), but I am most aligned with the work of Leslie Greenberg on emotion-focused therapy (EFT) for individuals.
Our emotions are packed with information on what we need, want, and value.
Emotion-Focused Therapy
Nik. Photograph. @helloimnik. Unsplash. 2025
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There are two types of emotion-focused therapy: EFTa, which is focused on attachment, and EFTe, which is focused on emotion.
I use EFTe, which was developed by Leslie Greenberg (1993) and is based on the theory and science of emotions and attachment theory.
This approach brings to life the painful emotions and memories that caused us emotional pain so that we can access the emotions that are at the core of our pain (often hidden beneath other emotions).
Accessing our primary adaptive emotions gets us in touch with our essential human needs (e.g., connection, acceptance, self-compassion, understanding, and protection) and motivates us to act in a way that meets those unmet needs.
With the help of a therapist and corrective experiences, we are able to transform our core pain.
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The goals of EFT are to:
promote self-awareness, power to make choices, and growth
help you process your emotions more effectively
help you meet your unmet needs and solve problems that come up in your relationships with others and yourself
Adapted from p. 3 of Learning emotion-focused therapy: A comprehensive guide (2nd ed.).
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EFT for individuals (EFIT) has been found to:
improve attachment security, self-esteem, and assertiveness
improve a person’s ability to manage difficult emotions and hard decisions (e.g., to stay in or leave a relationship)
reduce relationship problems (e.g., unfinished business) and controlling or needy behaviour
Research has also shown EFIT to be effective for the following conditions:
major depressive disorder
generalized anxiety disorder
binge eating disorder
anorexia nervosa
emotional injuries and trauma
(Elliott et al., 2025).
emotional system
“What hurts the most points to what is most important”
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Our emotions can cut through all the noise of our mind to inform us of our needs, wants, and values (Elliott et al., 2025; Greenberg, 2006, 2024).
Our emotions help us evaluate whether a person or a situation is good or bad or safe or unsafe for us.
Emotions help us inform meaning about ourselves, others, and the events we’ve experienced.
They motivate us to act and drive our behaviour.
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Our emotional system is complex. We have many different types of emotions (Greenberg, 2006, 2025) .
Adaptive Emotions
These emotions are directly connected to our essential human needs; they guide and motivate behaviour to solve problems and meet unmet needs.
Example: Anger at being violated that helps us protect ourselves by asserting our boundaries.
Example: Emotional pain that causes us to remove ourselves from the person or situation that harmed us, so that we can avoid being harmed again and focus inward on healing.
Maladaptive Emotions
These are emotions that make us feel ‘stuck’ that come up again and again, regardless of how much we change our circumstances.
They lack useful information to solve problems or meet needs, and they tend to cause or maintain problematic behaviour.
Even though this emotion is now problematic, it typically stems from a situation where it was once helpful for you. It may have helped you survive and maintain connection.
Example: It could be a feeling of shame (e.g., I am bad, fundamentally flawed, unloveable) that comes up when you get angry.
In the original situation, feeling shame may have caused you to apologize and hide; which helped you maintain a positive reputation and in group membership.
Now, when you feel angry at being violated and want to assert your boundaries, you feel shame (e.g., I am bad, flawed, unloveable) and instead of asserting yourself, you apologize for your anger or you sink and hide.
Primary Emotions
These emotions occur in response to what happened. They happen first but are not necessarily the most important.
Secondary Emotions
These emotions are a reaction to a person’s thoughts or feelings about what happened.
Example: Anger at others to cover up feeling ashamed, sad, scared, or hurt.
Instrumental Emotions
These emotions are used to influence or manipulate another person.
Example: pretending to be mad, because it will help you get your way.
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In order to quickly adapt to new situations, our emotional system has to notice and filter through information about the situation we are in, the people we are with, and the events taking place (Elliott et al., 2025; Greenberg, 2006, 2025).
Our brain creates organizational frameworks (called emotion schemes) that are packed with information on the events, people, and experiences in our body that have previously made us emotional.
These emotion schemes stem from strong emotional experiences and are beyond our awareness. They are unique to us and the experiences that made us emotional. We have many different emotion schemes.
These emotion schemes try to help us adapt quickly to our environment to try and keep us safe.
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Some of the emotion schemes we develop as kids may have helped us in the original situation (Elliott et al., 2025; Greenberg, 2006, 2025).
For example: If you were shamed for raising your voice as a kid, feeling bad may have helped you hide and stay connected.
As adults, in new and possibly healthier situations, these emotion schemes don’t help us survive anymore. They may actually cause problems for us in our relationships and stop us from getting our essential universal human needs met.
For example: At the hint of raising your voice, you notice a change in the facial expression of those around you, and you feel shame. This shame causes you to panic, hide, withdraw, and shut down.
Maladaptive emotion schemes:
recur regardless of how much you change your situation or circumstances
cause and/or maintain problems
fail to give you information that will help you solve your problems or meet your unmet needs
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The good news is emotion schemes are constantly changing as new experiences occur (Elliott et al., 2025; Greenberg, 2006, 2025).
When you revisit memories that caused you to feel intense emotional pain, a therapist who offers a corrective experience can help transform these maladaptive emotion schemes.
The painful memories will continue to exist, but your perception of them and the meaning you have about yourself and the world around you might change.
About emotions: How can feeling bad lead to feeling good? Dr. Leslie Greenberg
How does Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) relate to mental health problems? Leslie Greenberg
What is the difference between primary and secondary emotions? Leslie Greenberg
What is core pain? Leslie Greenberg
What is chair work in Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)? Leslie Greenberg